The million dollar lie

It worked on the police, the media and millions of Kurt's fans around the world. It may have worked on you.
"He tried to kill himself before."

Of all the phony stories concocted and spread by Courtney Love, the "Million Dollar Lie" has proven to be the most effective, the most convincing, and... the most contrived. This particular lie blinded the eyes of the authorities, the media, and most of the public. This particular lie helped make Courtney Love a very rich widow.

Before discussing whether or not Kurt had ever attempted suicide prior to his murder, let's review what Kurt and others close to him have had to say about his "suicidal tendencies."

In the interview with Kurt published in the January, 1994 issue of Rolling Stone, David Fricke asks, "One of the songs that you cut from 'In Utero' at the last minute was 'I Hate Myself And Want To Die.' How literally did you mean it?"

KURT ANSWERS - "As literal as a joke can be. Nothing more than a joke. And that has to do with why we took it off. We knew people wouldn't get it; they'd take it too seriously. It was totally satirical, making fun of ourselves. I'm thought of as this pissy, complaining, freaked-out schizophrenic who wants to kill himself all the time. 'He isn't satisfied with anything.' And I thought it was a funny title. I wanted it to be the title of the album for a long time. But I knew the majority of the people wouldn't understand it."

Dylan Carlson, Cobain's best friend, told me Kurt was not suicidal. He also told a reporter for the Seattle Times the same thing. (See Section D, "Interview With Dylan Carlson").

I also spent some time with Mark Lanegan, another one of Kurt's close friends. Lanegan rode with Carlson and I while we were looking for Kurt. Mark Lanegan didn't think Kurt was suicidal either! After Cobain's death, he also told a writer for Rolling Stone Magazine, "I never knew Kurt to be suicidal. I just knew that he was going through a really tough time." (See "Cobain" by the editors of Rolling Stone, Page 90).

Rosemary Carroll, one of the Cobain attorneys and a close friend to Courtney and Kurt, scoffed at the idea that Kurt was, "suicidal." (See Summary Of Events, "Return To Seattle").

Isn't that strange? If we're to believe Courtney Love and most the stories she got published through the print media, Kurt allegedly "wanted to kill himself every day!" I wonder why his friends never noticed? Certainly his friends were aware of his lyrics! How could they say he wasn't suicidal?

Because they knew the difference between song lyrics, phony or misreported stories in the media, and reality!!

Others who saw and spoke to Kurt at the rehab center in Los Angeles and at the airport shortly before his death, said he was upbeat, friendly and didn't appear to be depressed at all.
(See Section D, "Others Who Saw Kurt").

Now we all experience phases of depression at times. Some people suffer from depression so severe that most of us can't relate to what they're feeling or understand what they're going through. Whether or not Kurt was depressed, especially to the point of being suicidal, is something that can be debated forever. Based on my investigation and research, I'm convinced Kurt Cobain was not suicidal. I have my opinion. You may have another. Obviously, what was going on inside his head is something only Kurt really knew.

Actions, however, often indicate a persons true frame of mind. If Kurt had attempted suicide in the recent past, no one would question whether or not he was "suicidal." There'd be no debate about his "suicidal tendencies." Kurt obviously wanted to die. It would certainly appear that he had finally succeeded where he had previously failed.

But did Kurt ever actually make an attempt to kill himself... or, did someone else just want him dead? Let's take a closer look at some of the events preceding his death.

MAY 2, 1993
Courtney injects Kurt with an illegal drug...
then force feeds him more pills!
Police help with cover- up.

SEATTLE POLICE REPORT:
Drug Overdose
Incident #93-191695

Copies of this police report were obtained through the Freedom Of Information Act. The lines and question marks indicate words, sentences, and in this particular report, an entire paragraph blacked out by the Seattle Police prior to releasing the report to the public.

"On 5-02-93/2111 Hrs, ROs were dispatched to 11301 Lakeside Ave. N.E. in response to a drug overdose. Fire arrived simultaneously with ROs and entered premise after it was cleared by ROs. RO contacted C/W ________ who said (V/Cobain) had been at a friends house 2 hrs earlier where he had injected himself with \\$30.00 - $40.00 worth of heroin. He then drove home to the address of the incident and stayed in his room/ C/W _________ (?) W,/ _________, and W2/ ___________ told ROs his physical condition gradually deteriorated to the point that he was shaking, became flushed, delirious and talked incoherently. C/W ________ said she (?)
___?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____< br> ?____?___?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?
?____?___?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____
?____?____?____?___?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?
?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____?____ C/W __________ said this
type of incident had happened before to V/Cobain."

There was never any question that this incident involved an accidental overdose. Courtney Love has spoken openly about this incident since Cobain's death. She succeeded in convincing several gullible journalists that her heroic efforts here actually saved Kurt's life. How did she "save" him? What information was contained in that paragraph blocked out by the police?

Well, here it is. Courtney injected Kurt with Buprenorphine. She also force fed him Valium, Codeine based Tylenol, which also contains Acetaminophen, and Benedryl.

Three simple questions. Three simple answers.

1. Would these drugs improve Cobain's overdosed condition at the time, or would they make his condition worse?

According to our medical research, Buprenorphine is especially lethal when combined with Valium.

Codeine is an opiate. Courtney reportedly gave Kurt 4 pills (32 mg), which undoubtedly added significantly to his total opiate threshold.

Benedryl is basically an anti-histamine, and is well known to produce a variety of negative complications when combined haphazardly with other drugs.

The combination of all these additional drugs would have made Cobain's condition much worse, possibly even life threatening!

2. Why wasn't Courtney arrested for possessing, injecting and administering illegal drugs?

Because Courtney has friends and connections in the Seattle Police Department. Narcotics Detective Antonio Terry was one of her "friends" at the time. Courtney talked to Detective Terry on my car phone once while I was with her. Terry was the one Courtney called when she got angry and wanted a drug buddy arrested. As mentioned in the Summary Of Events, Detective Terry was even referred to in Cobain's Missing Person's report as someone to see for "further info."

Of course, Detective Terry can't talk now. Coincidentally, he was later murdered.

3. So, why would the police black out this entire paragraph before releasing the report?

To protect Courtney Love, and to conceal their negligence in both this overdose incident and in the so-called "suicide" investigation.

A Little Help From Her Friends

Two other so-called "previous suicide attempts" have been referred to by media sources including several newspapers and rock magazines. The two incidents were brought up again in the March, '97 issue of POV magazine. The writer of this piece also works for Rolling Stone Online. If you read the story, you'll notice his bias towards protecting Courtney as he mocks a real search for the truth in this case.

Once again, this writer didn't take the time to do some basic research. He simply repeats misinformation obtained from other media sources, and prints it as fact. Here's what this writer published:

"One month before his death, Kurt Cobain made his first suicide attempt, writing a farewell note and promptly swallowing 50 Rohypnol pills in a Rome hotel room. Two weeks later, back at his Seattle estate, Cobain locked himself in a room and again threatened to kill himself, this time with a .38-caliber revolver."

Oh really?

Let's have a closer, more accurate look at these two frequently misreported incidents.

March 4, 1994
THE ROME INCIDENT

"Suicide attempt" or... attempted murder?

The Rome incident is consistently referred to as a "previous suicide attempt" as the media appears to accept Courtney's "spin control" without question or doubt, regardless of what the evidence actually indicates.

I met with and interviewed others who were in Rome with Courtney and Kurt when this incident occurred, including, Michael Dewitt, also known as Cali. I also spoke with Courtney about the Rome incident when I first began this investigation and I discussed it with her several times since.

Although it was mentioned briefly at the conclusion of the Summary Of Events, we're now going to examine the Rome incident in greater detail. First, I have to tell you there's something about the incident in Rome that concerns, maybe even, scares me a little. It should scare you too. As you continue to read, you're going to learn why I waited so long to deal with this particularly dangerous issue.

As usual, Courtney's stories are ever changing and inconsistent. During one of her first interviews after the Rome incident, (but prior to Kurt's eventual death), Courtney is quoted by a writer for Select Magazine:

"Anyway, what I wanted to say to you was that all this was just a tiff between me and Kurt, OK? That was all it was. A tiff. He was just upset that he was in some awful place and I was away enjoying myself and shopping. It was not a suicide thing... So now we're going back to the therapist when it all calms down."

So while Kurt was still alive, Courtney was telling the press the Rome incident was not "a suicide thing." She also claimed she and Kurt were together in their room at one time, drinking Champagne, when she fell asleep on the bed.

Based on Courtney's own accounts, as well as statements from others who were in Rome with Courtney and Kurt, it appears that Courtney was out late having a good time, while Kurt was left alone in the hotel room.

There was already a lot of tension in the marriage. They hadn't been getting along. Even though Courtney continued her own heavy drug use, she was constantly on Kurt's back, hounding him to get clean. Why? Because the Lollapalooza tour was coming up. Kurt didn't care. Courtney did! After all, there was a lot of money at stake.

Kurt was being treated like a piece of meat. All anyone seemed to care about was the money. Now, left alone in the hotel room, he became angry. He'd had it. He wrote Courtney a nasty letter telling her he was leaving her.

Courtney returned to the hotel before Kurt actually left the room. She found Kurt getting his things together. She read the note he had written to her. A heated argument followed. Courtney eventually sweet-talked Kurt into staying. They made-up. Champagne was ordered. It would be a romantic night.

Or would it?

"My husband's dying...
Where's my lipstick?!!"

A photograph was taken in Rome as Courtney was about to get into the ambulance transporting Kurt to the hospital. Kurt was in a coma after what was called an "accidental drug overdose."

Courtney later told a writer for Select Magazine, "I woke up at six in the morning or something, and I reached for him and he had blood coming out of his nose. It was almost a John Bonham. I know it sounds glib but I really thought he was dead."

Looking at the photograph you'll notice Courtney is freshly made-up with lipstick and mascara. As we've seen these past three years, Courtney Love never misses a photo opportunity. I can't help but wonder...who called the press?

Was the letter Kurt wrote in Rome a "suicide" note?

I discussed the Rome note briefly at the conclusion of the Summary Of Events. For this note to be labeled as a "suicide note" by the press, the police, or anyone else is quite a stretch, even for Courtney Love!

During a conversation I had with her on January 19, 1995, Courtney told me the Rome note mostly just "trashes" her. But, she claimed, "It says one thing very definitely suicidal." Then Courtney quotes a line from the note written to her by Kurt in Rome.

"Dr. Baker says I would have to choose between life and death. I'm choosing death."

What did Kurt mean when he said "I'm choosing death." Is this a suicidal statement?

Dr. Baker is a psychiatrist Kurt had seen at the Canyon Ranch health spa in Arizona. To think that Doctor Baker was recommending suicide as an option is, of course, absurd! It's obvious to any person with the least bit of common sense, the Doctor was simply telling Kurt that if he doesn't get off drugs, he'd eventually die from using them.

Kurt, unfortunately, was severely addicted to heroin. I believe this comment meant that he was going to do what he wanted, even if it meant that he might eventually die from his drug addiction.

Heroin withdrawal isn't any fun. It's not something a heroin addict ever really wants to go through. Once a user adapts to an addicted life style, rational thinking becomes blurred. Life without heroin isn't desirable. So this comment by Kurt would be a typical response from a severe heroin addict who was afraid of withdrawal, or who wasn't ready to kick an overwhelming heroin addiction.

A self-destructive comment? Yes. To the extent that Kurt was so addicted to heroin that he wasn't going to worry about the possible consequences of it's use. But a suicidal comment? No. Not unless you're Courtney Love and you want everyone to think Kurt was suicidal. This simple statement from Kurt, that he would make his own choices, was later twisted and used by Courtney to promote her phony story that Kurt had left a "suicide" note in Rome.

As mentioned earlier, the incident in Rome was never called a suicide attempt until after Kurt's body was found in Seattle. Following is a short review of several items previously outlined in the Summary Of Events.

The doctor who attended Kurt in Rome said he believed the overdose was an accident. "He did not seem like a young man who wanted to end it all," Dr. Galletta said.

Gold Mountain, (Nirvana's management company), denied that the Rome incident was a suicide attempt. "A note was found," said a company spokesman, "but Kurt insisted it wasn't a suicide note. He just took all of his and Courtney's money and was going to run away and disappear." (See "COBAIN" by the editors of Rolling Stone). Kurt Cobain, the person who actually wrote the note, insisted the note he wrote to Courtney in Rome was not a suicide note. What more do we need here?

Yes, this was another attempt by Kurt. It was another attempt to leave Courtney! The body of the note makes that very clear. That's why the entire note from Rome was never published. That's why Courtney destroyed it!

Courtney once told me the police probably still have a copy of the Rome note. If so, she could have that copy released to the public. She could show us this so-called "suicide" note. She could prove the Rome incident was a "suicide attempt."

From conversations with Courtney, I'm familiar with the contents of the original Rome note. It would be difficult for anyone now to try to pass off a fake or forged copy. If the police do have a copy, and if it matches what Courtney has already told me about the note, I'd certainly be willing to accept it as evidence of Kurt's frame of mind at the time of the Rome incident.

Courtney Love, the Seattle authorities and the media have labeled the Rome note as a "suicide note." Doing so has contributed to the deaths of several of Kurt's young fans who, following what they thought was Kurt's example, took their own lives. One such "copy-cat suicide" occurred just recently in England. Since young innocent lives are still at stake here, the public should demand to see this so-called "suicide note." Show us the proof!

"A WEAPON OF VIOLENCE"

Now we come to the part that concerns me the most. As much as I wanted to cover this issue earlier in order to explain how it relates to the Rome incident and possibly even to Cobain's murder, I've hesitated until now. I didn't want to give some idiot any bright ideas!

I finally decided this was the appropriate time because there's been a lot of press coverage lately detailing how this "dangerous weapon" works. Most college students are already aware of how it's being used as a tool in the commission of rape and other crimes of violence. So everyone needs to be aware of the dangers and learn how to avoid becoming the next victim.

Kurt's "drug-induced coma" in Rome was brought on by a mixture of alcohol and a drug called Rohypnol, also referred to as "Roffies." Ten to twenty times the strength of Valium, Rohypnol has been labeled, "The Date Rape Drug," and "A Weapon Of Violence," by medical and law enforcement professionals around the world. Because of it's dangers, Rohypnol is not legal in the United States, even for medicinal purposes.

What makes this drug a "weapon" is the way it's being used by criminals. Rohypnol is used to incapacitate a victim. When dropped into drinks, just one 2 mg pill can incapacitate the victim, especially if the drink contains alcohol. The drug has no taste or odor so the victim is unaware that the drink has been tampered with. After ingesting the drug, the victim becomes extremely intoxicated, disoriented, nauseated, and will usually pass out. While the victim is unconscious, anything can happen.

But that's not all!

One of the most dangerous "features" of this drug is that it also causes amnesia! The victim won't remember what happened while under the influence of this drug! No memory... no testimony!

NBC's ER recently included a case involving a "date rape" where the rapist used Rohypnol as a weapon. In this episode, the Doctor told the patient/victim: You’ve got to tell the police about this. The mixture of alcohol and Roffies might kill his next victim.

MORE CONFLICTING STORIES

Courtney once claimed Kurt had a thousand dollars in his hand when she found him unconscious. Another time she said the money was in his pocket. In either case, I have to wonder what he was going to do with all that money if he planned on killing himself?!

Immediately following the incident, Courtney tells the writer for Select Magazine, "When Kurt came around and started responding we gave him a pencil, and you know what the first thing he wrote was? F__K YOU." That story apparently changed when Courtney realized she was letting the cat out of the bag. Kurt's first note to Courtney at the hospital was later changed to, "Get these f__king tubes out of my nose." (See "Cobain, by the Editors of Rolling Stone, Page 90).

As mentioned before, after the Rome incident but while Kurt was still here to defend himself, Courtney had to tell the truth. She tells the media the Rome incident "...was not a suicide thing..."

Of course after his death, when Kurt could no longer speak for himself, Courtney was free to say anything she wanted about the Rome incident. Then she tells the media that the Rome incident was actually a "suicide attempt."

Embellishing further, Courtney also claims Kurt deliberately swallowed 50 Rohypnols! The later version of her story which was released after Cobain's death detailed how the pills were individually foil wrapped, indicating Kurt must have known what he was doing and how many of the pills he was taking since he had to unwrap each separate pill. It looks like the press may have swallowed some of those pills too! The media, for the most part, seems to just gobble up whatever Courtney throws their way, without any independent research or verification.

There is no evidence that Kurt actually ingested as many as FIFTY Rohypnols. The fact that there may have been fifty unwrapped foil packets, or fifty empty foil blisters from a blister pack found in the hotel room doesn't mean that Kurt was the one who unwrapped or emptied them. It only means someone unwrapped or emptied the foil packets, most likely... someone who wanted this to look like a suicide attempt.

A little common sense is in line here. We know Kurt denied the Rome incident was a suicide attempt. Wouldn't he have to be a complete fool to think anyone would believe it was anything but a suicide attempt if there was proof that he had deliberately taken fifty pills?

And if the Rome incident really was a suicide attempt, why didn't Courtney warn Kurt's best friend to watch out for him after when he returned to Seattle from Rome. Dylan hadn't been told Kurt "attempted suicide" in Rome. Courtney knew Kurt would be hanging out with Dylan once he was back in Seattle. Why didn't she tell his him?

Because Kurt was still alive. Kurt would set the record straight. The lie wouldn't work on Dylan. Kurt's best friend would know better.

"But wait a minute! If you're implying that Courtney slipped Rohypnols into Kurt's drink in an attempt to kill him, why did she try to save him? Why did she call the ambulance?"

There are several possibilities. Here are just two:

Someone else from the hotel or from Cobain's group came to the door or into the room and discovered Kurt lying unconscious. Or... after spiking his drink, Courtney just waited until, in her own words, "I REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!" (See above interview from Select Magazine).

Put on some make up.

Call the ambulance.

Call the press!

I'm rich... and I'm gonna be FAMOUS!!

MARCH 18, 1994
"Keeping away from Courtney"

SEATTLE POLICE REPORT
V.P.A. Disturbance
Incident Report # 94-123078

Friday, March 18, 1994 1810 Hrs
Recovered "at the residence for safe keeping"...
(1) Taurus .38 Special, Serial number KC53213
(1) Beretta .380 Serial number D11334Y
(1) Taurus .380 PT 58 ss Serial number KLA69796
(1) Colt AR-15 Serial number SP 113805

Once again, the blank lines indicate words blacked out by the Seattle police prior to releasing the document to the public. Filling in the blanks on this report, however, is not very difficult. Most of the blanks are references to Courtney Love.

"On the listed date and time officers responded to the listed location to investigate a disturbance. I arrived and contacted _____ ______ stated that Cobain, Kurt had locked himself in a room and that he was going to kill himself. She also stated that he had a gun in the room. Officers were able to contact Cobain, Curt, (misspelled on report), and detained him pending further investigation. Cobain, Curt stated that he had locked himself in the room to keep away from ________. He continued to state that he is not suicidal and doesn't want to hurt himself.

"___________ informed officers of (at) the location of several weapons that were in the room that Cobain, Curt had locked himself in. Due to the volatile situation with the threat of suicide and the recovery of unknown medication, the weapons and medication were taken into custody.

"After further interviewing _________ ______ stated that she did not see him with a gun, and he did not say he was going to kill himself. However when he locked himself in the room, would not open the door, and knowing that he had access to guns, she contacted 911 for his safety and well being.

All parties were interviewed and released and Cobain left ________. The disturbance was verbal only."

Item # 1:
Kurt did not lock himself in a room with a single .38-caliber revolver as mentioned in the POV article.

Obviously, if Kurt had taken a single gun and locked himself into a room as this journalist would have you believe, it certainly would appear that he was suicidal. But the truth is, he simply locked himself into the same room where he happened to store all of his guns.

Item #2:
Courtney originally lied to the police officer. She told him Kurt was "GOING TO KILL HIMSELF" and that he had "A GUN" (singular), in the room.

But Kurt said he had locked himself in the room "TO KEEP AWAY FROM COURTNEY!"

Kurt also said he was "NOT SUICIDAL" and "DOESN'T WANT TO HURT HIMSELF."

Suicidal people who lock themselves into a room with a gun often require a swat team and a psychologist to get them out. If the person is truly suicidal, that won't even work! But in this incident, Kurt came out of the room and cooperated fully with the officers on the scene. This, along with his own statements, indicates he had no intention killing himself as many in the media continue to report.

Setting The Stage

The police report clearly states that Courtney Love had lied to the officers when they first arrived on the scene. After taking the guns and medication into custody for safe keeping, Courtney was interviewed again by the officers. Now, she admits "she DID NOT see him with a gun," and, "he DID NOT say he was going to kill himself."

It seems that when Kurt was still around to set the record straight, Courtney couldn't get away with her lie. But once he was gone... a little twisting of the facts, a little misreporting of the details, and these incidents helped set the stage for the final act--an act that wasn't likely to be questioned because of Kurt's falsely reported personal history.

"He tried to kill himself before."

The million dollar lie.