The so called "suicide note"

All information was taken from the Tom Grant Murder Investigation book.

COULD IT HAVE BEEN A "SUICIDE" NOTE?

I wasn't sure at first. But as I studied my investigation notes, reveiwed the case and continued gathering information over the next several months while working with Courtney, I conclueded with compleat confidence, this was NOT a "suicide" note. This was a note to Kurt's fans explaining his decision to quit the music business, to stop touring and to stop performing.

Read the contents carefully. Here was a guy who cared about his fans. Here was a guy with compassion. He had a drug habbit, and he had some flaws, but seemed to care about ohters more than he cared about himself.

Is this a letter from a self-centered father who had no concern for his daughter?

Does this sound like someone who didn't care about the images he would be leaving his little girl--images of violence and physical destruction that frances would be forced to visualize the rest of her life whenever she thought of her dad?

Are these observations alone proff that Kurt Cobain did not commit suicide?

No. These are just some things to think about when you try to understand what was going through Kurt's mind as he wrote this letter.

WHAT WAS HE SAYING?

Some writers claim the letter doesn't make much sence. This is because they are reading it in the context of a "suicide" note. Once you realize it's simply a retierment letter, it all comes together. It makes perfect sence.

IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT that Kurt is a live and well. His band broke up and he moved away from Seattle. All performances have been cancelled. Now read the letter.

Imagine Kurt wrote it to explain his decision to his fans.

A CLOSER LOOK

What did he mean by:"the....ethics involved with independance and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true."?

I believe Kurt was saying he'd been warned about greed, corruption and exploitation in the music industy. He was saying these "warnings" had proven to be true. This realization robbed him of the excitement he once experianced while playing and performing in earlier years.

When MTV broadcast the reading of portions of this note by Courtney, the caption displayed on the screen for another line in the letter read, "I HAD it good." The actual note reads "I HAVE it good." A subtle but distinct difference in revealing the mental state of the writer.

What about the line at the end of the body of the note? " I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away."

This has been a commonly used phrase to describe motivation for retierment. In the Entertainment feild, it usually refers to quitting while your on top instead of fading from popularity.

What did he mean when he wrote "Please keep going Courtney, for Frances, for her life...?"

While I was with Courtney at the Peninsula hotel, several days before Kurt's body was found, She said almost exactly the same thing to me. "If he doesn't want to do it (refering to the lollapalooza tour) He ought to do it for his baby, Frances."

Kurt no doubt heard this from Courtney before. He didn't want this lifestyle anymore. He didn't care about the money anymore, but he knew money and fame were important to Courtney. So he was telling Courtney, " YOU do it. YOU do it for Frances and for her future."

Although Kurt wanted out of the marriage, he still loved Courtney. He was leaving, but he would continue to publicly support her. ( Refer to the "other note" refrenced in the Summary Of Events where Kurt says, "I'll be there to protect you.")

Kurt naively believed this would be enough to satisfy her. It would give her the freedom to do what she wanted to do...and it would give him freedom from the business of creating his music....something he once enjoyed with the innocence of a true artist.

On Sunday, April 3rd, when she couldn't find him, Courtney told me she thought Kurt was leaving her. This "other" letter simply confirms what Courtney already knew, but what she never wanted anyone else to know.

A CONVERSATION WITH COURTNEY

After reading in Rolling Stone that Courtney claimed to have another note left to her by Kurt, I was curious where this note was found. Even more important, I WONDERED WHY SHE HADN'T TOLD ME OR THE PRESS ABOUT IT!

On January 19th, 1995, Courtney and I talked on the phone for over an hour. Following is a transcript of a discussion Courtney and I had about this "other" note.

TG-What about this other note? you mentioned in Rolling Stone about another note that he wrote to you.

CL-It's like a letter and it's not really like a suicide note. It's like, it seems more like, it was in a sealed envelope, and it was like just to me, and it seems like he wrote it in rehab.

TG-Where did you find it?

CL-It was in my bedroom, under my pillows.

TG-Under your pillows?

CL-Yeah, and I didn't tell anyone about it except Rosemary and uh, sgt.Cameron about it.

TG-yeah...

CL-I let him see it, um.....

TG-There's only one problem with that Courtney.

CL-what?

TG-I looked under your pillows.

CL-Well.....

TG-Just like I looked under your materess.

CL-It was there.

TG-That's how I found the Rohypnol, between your materesses. That note wasn't under your pillows on the bed.

CL-Tom, it was....and i showed it to sgt.Cameron, and he can prove it. I own it. I'll show it to you. Whatever you....If you want to see it.

TG- Yeah, I'd like to see it. I'd like to see it. But what Im telling you is, that it was not there the night before the body was found, or the night before that. Because we, you know you can ask Dylan about this, we picked up the pillows. We were looking for drugs. We looked under the materesses. That's where the Rohypnol was. There was no note in an envelope.

CL-It was like right...right...,it was ah...it was a long legal envelope, white envelope, that was sealed. It had my name on it and it was definitely in Kurt's writing, and it was right under my pillows.

TG- Yeah, ok

CL-Like I have a bunch of pillows on that bed...it was right there.

TG- All I can say to that, Courtney is: If you say so!

IS ALL THIS LOGICAL?

Did Courtney really tell Rosemary Carrol about this "other" note?

Not likely. Atleast not for several months. Rosemary was initally furnishing me with evidance that implicated Courtney in Kurt's death. She would have told me about this "other note" if she knew about it.

If you would like to see a copy of the so called "suicide" note, that has been analized by experts
come here

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SIGNATURES?!